is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
