Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
