this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
