Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
