i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
