He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
