this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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