my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
