I can tuck mytits in my pants
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
