The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
