Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
