My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize