I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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