I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
