Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's no shave November. This is our time.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
