his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
