Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
