Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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