Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
