I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
