it hurts more in the daytime
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
