I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
