you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
