I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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