i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
