I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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