That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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