Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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