found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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