It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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