i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
