Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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