i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
