listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
