before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
