btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
