Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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