No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
