Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
