LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
