So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
