worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
