Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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