She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
