Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
