Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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