its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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