I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
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We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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