Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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