Swine flu. Run for my life!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
