On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
