i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
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Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
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She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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