first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
