Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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