We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
