You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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