remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
