I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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