So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
