what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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