I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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