I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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