the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
