she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
