You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
