Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
