I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
