I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
