he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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