it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Welp...herpes.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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