butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
