its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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