Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
They took my balls.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
