I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Holy sore nipples Batman
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
