I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
